


A Hamilton Weekend - Prequel to The Rest of the Story

by TeacherLady215



Category: What If It's Us - Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera
Genre: Anal Sex, Fluff, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Goodbye Sex, Goodbyes, M/M, Musicals, Oral Sex, Reunion Sex, Reunions, Romance, Sad and Sweet, discussion of domestic violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:21:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28418286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeacherLady215/pseuds/TeacherLady215
Summary: As referenced multiple times in my larger fic "The Rest of the Story", Ben and Arthur reunite in the city for Arthur's Birthday trip to Hamilton and a bit of a honeymoon-style weekend in a lovely hotel. This is the MATURE version, and so there are some very detailed sexual descriptions.
Relationships: Ben Alejo/Arthur Seuss
Kudos: 11





	A Hamilton Weekend - Prequel to The Rest of the Story

**Author's Note:**

> **Fair Warning: this is Smutty AF. There is a lot of sex. If you feel I’ve misrepresented it in any way, I’d encourage a private message so that I can address any issues. 
> 
> There is also a short and non-graphic description of a domestic violence encounter.

**Arthur** \- _Thursday August 4 th, 2022_

We are driving to my birthday dinner at my favorite place, Cabernet Steakhouse in Alpharetta, when I get my 10th birthday text from Ben today.

 **Ben** : Mighty King Arturo, on this your birthday, I am so grateful for your friendship and dearly hope to be able to see you soon. <3 :-*

They’ve all been like that and I blush every single time one comes through. He’s sending them every hour on the hour because he’s the biggest nerd ever, and I smile like an idiot in the back of my mom’s SUV as I tap out a reply.

 **Me** : Oh Ben-Jamin, how I wish that were possible. Hopefully I can catch a train into the city one weekend this semester. *fingers crossed emoji*.

We haven’t seen one another in person since that summer 4 years ago, but we have stayed very close. Whenever something ridiculous happens or I’m reaching my breaking point and I know Jessie is going to blow it out of proportion or make it about her (as much as I love her), I FaceTime my Best Friend Ben. Whenever Ben needs someone and Dylan is in the wrong time zone or he’s with Sam or whatever, he FaceTimes me. We still text constantly and discuss most dates we go on, which, on my end, haven’t been very many. He’s gone out with a few people from school. I have tried to fight it and get away from it, but damnit, I still love him, and I don’t want to push it away anymore. Ben sends his reply.

**Ben** : God that sounds amazing. Miss you Best Friend. <3

**Me** : Miss you more… 

**Ben** : No way, tie?

**Me** : Tie.

While we’re at dinner, enjoying an amazing meal as a family where I can finally have a glass of wine in public, we are waiting for dessert when my mom hands me an envelope. I look confused, because I was pretty sure that my birthday present had been that they were paying my car insurance again this year, which is practical if not all that exciting.

“Happy Birthday, sweetie. We wanted you to have something extra special for your 21st, but yes, we are still paying your car insurance,” she tells me.

Dad winks and I begin to slide my finger underneath the flap of the envelope. As I lift it, hope blooms and overtakes me like a tsunami in my chest when I see the golden logo and pull out two tickets to Hamilton on Broadway. Center Mezzanine, the best seats in the entire Richard Rogers Theater. I also pull out a folded sheet of paper which I can hardly read as tears begin to blur my vision. Through the haze I can tell it is a flight and hotel reservation in Time’s Square and I lose it completely.

“Guys, this is too much, are you sure??” I ask, completely choked up and over-emotional.

“Yes, honey. You’ve wanted this for so long, it’s time. You can invite whoever you want to join you. You leave tomorrow.” The glint in my mom’s eye says she knows precisely who I’ll be asking, and he won’t need a plane ticket to get there.

I look up at them, so incredibly grateful for them both. “Thank you. I can’t even tell you how much this means to me. Thank you both.”

“Love you, kiddo,” Dad says.

We share a delicious New York Style Cheesecake and then head back home so I can pack up for my flight tomorrow. As soon as we get home, I hug my parents and thank them again for their extravagant gift and then close myself in my room and Facetime Ben.

When his face pops up, he is lying in bed and looking adorably disheveled, but smiling. I bite my lip, wishing I could curl up against him in that bed, knowing I will be able to in less than 24 hours.

“Hey Birthday Boy, what’s up?” he asks, rolling onto his side and propping me up on his pop-socket as is his usual way.

“Hey Ben, I have a question for you,” I say mysteriously, pulling my lip between my teeth again.

“And I sincerely hope I have the answer you’re looking for,” he says, his brow furrowed in confusion. “What’s going on?”

“Okay, so my parents bought me a birthday gift. One plane ticket to the city, a hotel stay at the Marriot in Times Square, and two tickets to Hamilton!” I announce excitedly.

He sits up and scrambles to hold his phone so he can see me and be seen again. “They what?? For when???” His eyes are wide, excited, and hopeful.

“I fly in tomorrow afternoon,” I say quietly, a little nervous he might be busy.

He closes his eyes and smiles. “You’re telling me, not only are you coming here, but you’re coming tomorrow?” His eyes flutter open again.

“Yeah, but if you’re busy I can…”

“No, no, no!” he interrupts. “I had very superficial plans with Dylan to ‘hang out’,” he air quotes, “but I know he’ll understand. I’ll take all the time with you I can get, Art.” His face is splotchy he is chewing heavily on the inside of his cheek. “I’ve missed you so much,” he says softly, lying down again.

“I’ve missed you, too, Ben. I can’t wait to see you. I get into JFK at 3.” 

“I’ll be in the airport waiting for you, I promise,” he vows vehemently.

We say our “see you tomorrows” and hang up so I can pack.

**Ben** – Friday, August 5th, 2022 1PM

Dylan is lounging across my bed as I change my shirt for the 7th time settling on my Dream and Bean tee from the day we met (which I’ve taken very good care of) and my favorite light blue fitted jeans. I slide on my rainbow laced Chuck Taylors and sigh heavily.

“Alright, let me make sure you’re up to par,” Dylan says as he sits up. “Oh, Benny Boy! Going for the nostalgia factor, eh? Isn’t that exactly what you were wearing the day you met?”

“It is,” I blush. “God, D, I don’t know what I’m doing… could we really do this? He’s only here for the weekend… I want him, but I’m still worried about holding him back…” I fret as I plop down next to him and lay back on my bed.

“You’ll never know if you don’t try, Bennison. I wouldn’t think he would want to spend the weekend with you if he didn’t feel the same, right?”

“I hope so… I have to get to the Subway, though. This is one time I do NOT want to be late. You good?” I ask him.

“Yep, heading to Sam’s. Knock ‘em dead, Big Ben,” he says with a knowing smile as we stand, and he pulls me into a hug. “Love you, man.”

“Love you, too, D. Thanks.” I clap him on the back a couple of times.

As Dylan heads out, I grab my headphones, phone, wallet, and my overnight duffel bag that Arthur requested I pack so I can stay in the hotel with him. I don’t know if we’ll be doing anything other than sleeping, but I’m well prepared in any case.

I get to the Subway station at First Avenue around 1:30, and while I ride, I listen to my Broadway playlist that Arthur made for me of shows he loves, which I listen to whenever I’m missing him. I get to the airport around 2:45 and plant myself in a Starbucks behind security with a Berry Hibiscus Lemonade refresher, waiting for Arthur to text me. I am fidgety and keep running a hand through my hair as I open and close the messaging app on my phone to make sure I haven’t missed his message. Finally, at 3: 15, my phone pings.

**Arthur** : Deplaning now! No checked bags, so I’m all yours.

I send back a gif of Conan O’Brien bouncing and clapping and finish off my lemonade as I head out of the small coffee shop. I come to the opening where arriving passengers will leave the terminal and find a place to lean against the wall as people begin to exit. I have to remind myself to breathe and not to bite all the way through my bottom lip, I’m so full of nervous anticipation. After all of the people in the business suits with the briefcases have filed out, then the economy passengers begin to come out in their yoga pants and basketball shorts. I slide my hands into my pockets and chew nervously on the inside of my cheek. Finally, my eyes are caught off guard by the sheer brilliance of the electric bright blue staring back at me as a smile breaks across Arthur’s face and he maneuvers through the crowd to get to me. When he breaks through the pressing throngs, I smile as I pull my hands out of my pockets and open my arms to him where he slides in perfectly fitting in the circle of my embrace. I hold him tightly and whisper, “There’s my best friend.” He’s here! I have him right here in my arms and I can tell he’s gained a little muscle and maybe an inch in height, as his forehead rests right at my cheek instead of just below my chin. I stopped at 6’ 1”, which I’m perfectly happy with.

I pull back so I can look at him to see that he is gently biting his bottom lip and I can’t help myself. I lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips which we both immediately sink into. His hands grasp my shirt and as our tongues press and caress one another, I let out a low, quiet moan and pull away. We both sigh and he smooths out my shirt as we both blush profusely. “Hey, I recognize this,” he says with a smile as he’s pulling my shirt back into place. I smile, kiss his forehead, and wind my fingers with his before turning and starting to walk toward the exit. It is all I can do not to pick him up and run away with him, I’m so happy to have him back here with me.

“How was your flight?” I ask, looking over at him. He has a backpack and one rolling carry-on and is wearing a light jacket over a Quazimodal t-shirt for his a capella group and a pair of dark blue joggers with matching Sperry’s. His dark hair is a little disheveled from the flight, but it’s still adorable.

“Good, I listened to most of Hamilton and by the Election of 1800 I was here,” he says with a smile.

As we walk out of the doors, I ask, “So when is the show? What’s the plan?”

“So, it’s actually tonight at 8 and then we have the rest of the weekend to do with what we will. I fly home Sunday night,” he explains.

I nod and say, “We can actually give you the full-on NYC tourist experience.” I smile in his direction and he nods in a non-committal manner, his eyes glinting with something that makes me think that’s not his plan. Heat rises in my cheeks as I understand that he’s really here for me and I may be in for more than I could have hoped for this weekend.

“I figure we can go check into the hotel and change for the show, then go grab dinner? Maybe see if Dylan and Sam want to join us? I’d love to see them before I steal you away for the rest of the weekend.” His words are thick with underlying meaning.

“Sure, let me give him a call before we get on the train. Show’s at 8 right, so Dinner in Time’s Square at 6? Seeing as we already have the tickets,” I say with a smile.

“Sounds good,” he agrees, squeezing my hand.

I call Dylan and he and Sam are in for dinner at the Time’s Square TGIFridays at 6. With plans confirmed, we head down to the Subway and find a pretty empty car where we head to one end and sit in a set of corner seats so we can both sit next to and facing one another. We kind of pile our stuff up in front of us and then I pull one leg up so I can rest my arm on it and my head on my fist and stare at him. With my free hand I play lightly with his fingers, winding and unwinding mine with them.

“So, how is this semester looking?” I ask, trying to get the small talk out of the way now.

“It should be good. I’m taking this amazing lit seminar that’s all about the evolution of LGBTQ literature. I’m all done with my gen-ed courses, so this year I can really focus on the literature and publishing courses.”

As he describes the courses, I am gently drawing designs on his hand and wrist, unable to keep from touching him in some way, needing to be connected to him. “Those sound amazing,” I remark. “So much cooler than what we have going on at Hunter, and I’m still working my way through these last couple of gen-ed science courses,” I say with a sigh, looking down at the floor. The train is pulling into a station and we both reach out to hold onto the precariously piled tower of our stuff. There is a slight passenger exchange and then we are moving again.

“Hey,” he says, pulling my attention back to him. He reaches up and brushes a thumb across my cheek, causing my eyes to flutter closed for a moment. “You’ve got this, Ben. You know you can always call me if you need a study partner, right? What are best friends for?”

He sounds a little… I’m not sure… disappointed maybe. When he says ‘best friends’ he sort of trips over it, maybe like he wanted to say boyfriends. One can only hope that such a thing could be true, but still that hope blooms in my heart. I catch his hand in a firm grasp, fingers intertwined, and smile crookedly. “Thanks, I’ll probably take you up on that…” I admit. I’d do anything to talk to him more regularly, but I still don’t want to get in the way of anything he might need to experience at school.

We continue the small talk, how are the parents, how are Ethan and Jessie, Dylan and Sam, Harriet and Hudson (though we don’t stay there long), has D had any other close calls, etc. We talk pretty often, but a lot of times there is a specific topic because one of us is really going through it about something. Finally, we reach the Time’s Square station, gather all of our belongings, and walk off the train. When we get to the Marriot, it is SO beautiful. There is a gorgeous crystal light fixture in the vault of the lobby and large plush couches around a television. Arthur takes his reservation paper to the desk and I hang back with his carry on and take in the atmosphere. When he walks back over, he has two room keys and a huge smile.

“Free upgrade!” he announces. “We have a whole suite to ourselves.” The look in his eyes makes my mouth go dry, so I swallow loudly and pull my bottom lip between my teeth.

We head up to the 21st floor and I rest an arm around his waist as we ride up the elevator, nuzzling my nose into his hair by his ear. God, he smells good. I’m not sure if it’s his body wash, spray, or shampoo, but it’s intoxicatingly him, whatever it is. Arthur’s eyes flutter closed as he leans into me gently. Once we reach the room and get inside, we discover a king bed against a wall with an entire living room set in front of it and a flat screen TV against the opposite wall. There is a couch and a chair as well as a spacious bathroom with a walk-in shower and large vanity. Arthur takes out and sets up all of his toiletries, so I grab my small toiletry bag and set it in the bathroom on the counter (after leaving a few things in the bedside table). I slide in behind Arthur and loop my arms around his midsection, dropping a light kiss on his shoulder.

“Hey, you,” I say quietly.

He leans back into me and his eyes close. “Hey, Ben.” He breathes deeply and straightens up, turning around, still in my arms, linking his hands together behind my neck. “I am going to take a quick shower if you want to get changed. It’s almost 5. There is so much we need to talk about, and so much I want for us to do together, but first things first, the show we’ve waited 4 years for.”

I smile knowingly and take his chin in between my thumb and forefinger, tilting his face to mine for a soft kiss. “Enjoy your shower,” I say, my voice dripping with unsaid inuendo.

I trail my hand down his arm before finally turning and going to the larger room and flinging myself on the bed with one hand behind my head and the other resting on my stomach. I feel like we are both being very presumptuous by just acting like we’re together and I’m a little worried that might come back to bite us, but right now, I have him here unattached and he seems to want this as much as I do, so I’m not letting myself think about repercussions at this point. As I hear the water turn on, my entire body stands at attention. It’s not just because I haven’t been as fully intimate with anyone else since him, which actually means I’m really nervous about what may or may not happen, but because it’s him. Arthur is no more than 20 feet from me showering, completely disrobed as rivulets of water assail his beautiful body. I remember that Sunday at his Uncle’s apartment that summer. I remember the stickers and the laughter and the awkwardness, but mostly the tenderness we had for one another. I remember whispering that I loved him and that he was beautiful and how he was nervous but begged me to keep going. Hudson had been gentle and nice. He was always a gentleman and I learned a lot from him, but he didn’t seem to put quite as much emotional stake into our physical relationship as I did. That could very well have been his issues with his parents, but it was difficult to know that our time together didn’t make him feel as much love and intimacy as it did for me. Arthur was not like that at all. Arthur was nerves and love and emotion in every moment and touch as we joined together. Even in the couple of hours we’ve spent together so far, every touch is charged with emotion and desire. I know he’s in this with me and we will both get what we need from one another because we care so deeply for each other. That is a very nerve-settling thought for me.

**Arthur**

As much as I would have loved to have Ben join me in the shower, I do not want to rush this time with him. I want to be able to enjoy him and us as well as enjoy Hamilton without adding that complication before we go. As much as I want Ben, and I’m seeing he wants me, I know this weekend is a one-off situation, at least until I graduate. I can’t expect too much here, and I can’t lead Ben on or we’ll both leave each other hurting. That may still happen, but I don’t want there to be any unmet expectations, so before we do what we really want to, I want to set those expectations, and that’s a longer conversation than we have time for before the show. I finish my shower and towel off as I step out. Once I’ve brushed my teeth and combed my hair, I wrap the towel securely around my waist and head out to the living area where Ben is smoothing down his olive green, short sleeve Henley over the waist of his dark blue jeans. I bite my lip at the sight of Ben in such a tight shirt and when Ben looks up, he stops fussing over himself and swallows loudly, looking at my bare and damp chest and stomach. I blush deeply throughout my face and neck, but also over most of my chest. A slow smile spreads over Ben’s face and he comes toward me, sitting on the edge of the bed next to my open carry on. He does not touch me, but I smile as I begin rifling through my suitcase, flustered with desire. My eyes flick to his which roam over my bare skin. I can feel his gaze like fairy fingers brushing over my skin as heat and goosebumps follow the path of his observation. Once I’ve managed to pull together the items I need for my outfit, I tuck them under my arm and stand in front of Ben. I lightly run my fingers through the hair above his ear, his eyes closing at my touch, lightly playing with the edge of his ear before my fingers trail down his neck and over the top of his chest to the bottom of the opening of his collar. I grab hold and lean down pressing a soft but insistent kiss to his lips. Good Lord, this evening is going to be almost insufferable.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” I tell him, seeing his hands grasping the bedspread so that he could keep them to himself. I smile and shake my head as I walk back toward the bathroom and Ben releases a heavy sigh of held breath.

I put on my black skinny jeans and a white tank top before pulling on a long sleeved blue button-down. I leave the top two buttons open and fix my hair as much as it will be fixed before stepping out to see Ben doing his very best model impression looking out at the New York City Skyline.

**Ben**

I am standing by the window looking out at the bustling city when I hear Arthur come back out and I head toward him, pulled as if by a magnet to be near him. “I like this shirt. It brings out your eyes,” I say, sliding a hand onto his hip and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Thanks, Ben.” He lifts a hand to my chest. “You look great, too.”

I smile and pull him in for a hug. He wraps his arms around me, too. “It’s so amazing that you’re here, Arthur,” I say, trying to break up all of the different types of tension swirling around us. We want each other, but we’ve missed each other, and we’re excited about tonight’s show, but also tonight alone with one another. There are just so many different things happening.

He huffs a laugh, “Ironic, right? Since we’d just been talking about me trying to get into the city. It’s like the Universe is still trying to tell us something.”

I pull back and nod. “I wouldn’t put it past… it,” I laugh. “Are you ready to go?”

We each do the ‘keys, wallet, phone, tickets’ shuffle and then head out together. As we ride down the elevator, I ask, “How excited are you for the show?”

“So excited. I checked with the cast’s Instagrams in the airport and it looks like most of the principals should be on tonight. Miguel Cervantes who came back from Chicago to play Ham on Broadway, Fergie Phillipe from the Philip tour who came back to play Mulligan/Madison, Joshua Henry as Burr! It’s going to be amazing!”

He is so totally enthralled in explaining the cast that his eyes are wide and bright and I can’t help but grin widely with him. I want so many things for us, but I know there are a lot of complications that come with all of what I want, so I want to make sure seeing the show is perfect for him. I keep prodding him for parts he’s most excited about and share my own as we walk the couple of blocks to get to TGIFriday’s. When we walk up, Dylan and Sam are just arriving as well.

“Seussical! Bennison! Perfect timing!” Dylan announces.

“Hey Dylan!” Arthur greets him and they meet in a hug.

“Arthur! It’s so good to see you!” Sam says once Dylan has released him and she pulls him into a hug of her own.

I fist bump D and hug Sam before we all head inside. At dinner, Arthur has a Triple Berry Mojito and I choose not to have a drink, opting for water. We all do the small talk dance again, sharing back and forth over our burgers and fries about school and pending graduations. Arthur’s face is flushed red with the alcohol and excitement once we finish up around 7:15. We say our goodbyes outside of the restaurant and head toward the Richard Rogers as Dylan and Sam depart for the subway.

I drape an arm over Arthur’s shoulders and say, “This is so cool, we finally get to see our show! I’m just glad you still brought me even after I fucked up so hugely the first time we tried to see it…”

Arthur catches my hand that’s over his shoulder in his and smiles. “I still contend that we got a whole lot more of Broadway that night than anyone else on this street did. It’s one of my favorite memories of us. I know you hated letting me down, and I was vastly overdramatic about the screw up, but you made up for it pretty hugely, too.” He squeezes my hand and looks up at me. “There’s no one else I’d rather see Hamilton with than you, my one convert,” he laughs.

I smile and shake my head. As we approach the theater, I stop him and turn him around, pulling his phone out of his pocket and taking a selfie of us in front of the marquee for the show. After I take a good one of us both smiling, I turn and kiss his cheek taking another.

“We’re going to have a lot of those aren’t we?” he asks, laughing as he reclaims his phone. 

“Yes, we are,” I confirm as I move behind him so we do not take up as much space while we are lining up to get inside. Arthur is practically bouncing on the balls of his feet and I grin at him as I rest my hands on his shoulders and lean in by his ear. “There’s that complete lack of chill I love,” I say in his ear, laughing. He turns his head and feigns a look of offense, but he is smiling.

Inside, Arthur heads for the merch tables. He chooses a Hamilton t-shirt and a water bottle while I am standing off to the side knowing how astronomical the prices are when Arthur turns to me and says, “Pick something.”

“I’m fine, Art. This stuff is so expensive,” I wave him off.

He pulls me to him and slides an arm around me, rubbing my back (which is a huge turn on) and puts a hand to my face. “Ben, I want you to have something to remember your first Broadway show by. I know you’re weird about other people paying for stuff, but please let this be one of the 4 birthday or Christmas gifts that I’ve missed and let me do this for you. I want to buy you a gift… please?”

Looking into his softly begging eyes, I am helpless. I groan and kiss him in frustration before saying, “Okay. I really like that black water bottle.”

He smiles and points it out to the girl behind the counter. He also asks for two keychains. When the girl tells Arthur his total, I try to protest but he holds up a hand and won’t hear it. He thanks her and takes the bag of merch with a smile. We walk away and I shake my head. “You are impossible.”

“Yeah, but you’re into it.” He smirks and I cannot deny that he’s correct. I slide my hand into his as we head to the bar. We each get a drink and a bottled water and head up the stairs to the mezzanine.

Our tickets are literally first row center of the mezzanine. As we await the show’s beginning, I am completely entranced seeing the details of the stage in person. Obviously, I’ve seen the Hamilfilm. Arthur gave me his Disney+ login and we had a virtual watch party on facetime when it came out but seeing it all in person is so much better. I am leaning forward with my arms folded on the wall of the balcony and my chin resting on my arms taking it all in when I feel Arthur’s hand on my back. God, I love it when he does that, I feel so safe, cared for, and loved. I turn my head and see that he has joined me in leaning on the wall. He smiles at me and moves a little closer and rests his head on my shoulder. I lift up and give him a small peck on the top of his head then turn back to look at the incredible props the stage is littered with while leaning my head on Arthur’s.

“You know we have a lot to talk about, right?” he whispers.

“I know, but right now I’m just enjoying this: you being here, us in this place. We have the rest of the weekend to work out whatever else we need to,” I assure him. Together we sit back as the lights go down and I slide my hand back into his. He squeezes it excitedly as King George III begins his speech about turning off cell phones.

Arthur sips his Margarita and I sip my Red Wine in our commemorative Hamilton cups as we bop along with the show. We loudly sing along when called on to do so by King George. When we see Laurens’ death and Philips, Arthur cries quite a bit more forcefully than I, though tears are definitely shed on my end. As Eliza gasps at the end of the show and the lights go out, we are on our feet and shouting our praise leading the rest of the audience in the charge as the cast assembles at the front of the stage, we continue to raucously applaud. When they file off, I turn to Arthur and he is smiling up at me, so I pull him into a celebratory kiss. He wraps his arms around my neck and holds on, pressing into the kiss for a moment, then pulls back and takes my hand. We really need to have that conversation now.

We head back to the hotel in relative quiet, just holding hands and I am enjoying Arthur enjoy the city. We loved the show, but there is so much else happening between us, that hasn’t even been spoken about yet. When we get up to the room, Arthur says, “I’m going to change into something more comfortable, then we can talk okay?”

“Sounds good,” I agree, and kiss him on the forehead.

As he heads into the bathroom with his pajamas, I change by the bed into a pair of basketball shorts and put my Dream and Bean t-shirt back on.

**Arthur**

When I come out of the bathroom in joggers and a plain black t-shirt, Ben is sitting on the couch in his shorts and the faded Dream and Bean shirt he was wearing when we met. He turns and smiles when he sees me, patting the space on the couch next to him. I put my other clothes in my bag and make my way over to join him, sitting sideways, facing him with one leg folded under me and the other resting on the floor. He has one arm up on the arm rest with his head resting against his fisted hand and the other arm resting on his leg. I slide one hand under his on his leg, lifting it into both of mine, holding it gently.

“Ben… I want to make sure we’re not setting ourselves up for heartbreak here…” I say softly. “I think we both have a pretty similar vision of what this weekend looks like, but we should talk about after the weekend…”

He heaves a large sigh and scrubs a hand over his face. “I said it when you left the first time, I don’t want to hold you back… I want you to be free to have whatever experiences you want or need to have in college, but you’re right here and there’s nothing holding us back now. If you don’t want to do anything more, then I’m okay with just spending time together, but if you want more, I am inclined to ignore possible emotional repercussions.” He looks at me and his face is soft but pained. I reach up and cup his cheek in my hand. “I want you while I can have you. I want you like I haven’t wanted anyone since you. I still love you, Arthur,” he confesses looking away from me.

I press my hand against his cheek making him look at me. “I still love you, too, Ben… and I don’t want to be selfish about that. I want you, but I don’t think we’re ready to commit if only because we’re still going to be apart for the rest of this year. I’m not saying never, I just don’t think now’s our time for forever…” I explain softly, leaning my forehead against his.

He lifts a hand to my face. “I don’t need the promise of forever right now, I just need you.” His warm brown eyes swim with emotion and desire.

“Okay,” I whisper.

I kiss him gently and pull away, standing and holding out a hand to him. I lead him to the bed, sitting down on the edge and pull him close. I am doing everything I can to reign in my typical lack of chill. I don’t want to rush this; I want us both to savor this time together. Every touch and moment is familiar but also brand new because we are not the exact same boys who fumbled together in Milton’s apartment all those years ago. I stare up at him as I slide my fingers beneath the hem of his t-shirt and begin to slide my hands up his firm stomach. His eyes close as he lifts a hand into my hair. I swing my legs up and lift up onto my knees, so I am eye to eye with him. As I lift up, I pull his shirt with me and he helps maneuver it over his head. I toss it behind him against the wall and move in pressing my lips to his. His arms encircle me as his lips open under my own and my hands rove over his chest brushing over the sensitive skin of his nipples causing him to gasp as I slide my arms around him and pull him even closer. I drag my fingers down his back eliciting a low moan from Ben into our kiss. The simple act of being able to turn him on is a huge turn on for me. He catches the bottom of my t-shirt and slides it up, dragging his hands along my back as he pulls it up. In the process, our hips are pressed together, and both of our excitement is apparent between us. I lift my arms up and pull back so he can pull it off and I can see his hesitance in his eyes as he rests his hands on my hips. I take his face in my hands and whisper, “You’re holding back on me Ben-Jamin.” I sit back on my heels and he bites his lip, turning and sitting on the bed with one leg hanging over the side.

“I know,” he laments. “I’m just nervous. I don’t know how far you want to go, and I don’t want to push you into anything. We only got to be together once and it was beautiful, but we didn’t get to know each other like this very well.”

I move over to him and loop my arms around his neck from the side, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. He reaches up and holds onto my arm. “So, let’s go slow, and we’ll have a system, so we know when to go further or when to slow down. What do you think?” I nuzzle my nose against his ear.

He breathes a deep sigh of relief and turns his whole body toward me so I back up. “That sounds perfect,” he agrees, smiling as he pulls me toward him and lays me back on the bed. I bite my lip as I lift my arms around his neck. “I always want to be sure you’re okay,” he says kissing my neck. “So I’ll ask. If you can’t speak, for whatever reason, squeeze my hand. Once for more, twice to back off. Okay?” He kisses my chest then looks up into my eyes and I nod my agreement.

“Kiss me, Ben,” I breathe, and he presses his body against mine as his mouth returns to mine with more force and fire. I am breathless and holding him tightly as our tongues dance and caress, and I wrap my legs around his waist needing to be closer to him everywhere. I pull his weight down against me and whimper into our kiss as the pressure sends delicious waves of pleasure through my body.

Ben pulls his lips from mine and brings his lips to my ear, “Can I touch you, Arthur?”

“Please,” I beg, loosening the hold of both my arms and legs around him.

He lifts up and kneels between my legs. He drags his fingers lightly down my chest and stomach as I watch with excited and curious eyes. “You are so beautiful, Arthur,” he whispers, a slight smile playing on his lips as his fingers find my happy trail and I bite my lip as a giggle escapes my throat.

“Sorry, that tickles,” I explain sheepishly.

“Don’t be sorry. Did you like that it tickled?” he asks. I nod sheepishly and he ever so lightly drags one finger down the baby hairs on my stomach and across the waistline of my joggers where they rest across my hips. I gasp and lift myself toward him, my body begging for more. “Was that okay?” he asks, stopping the trailing of his fingers.

“Yes,” I breathe, my voice raspy. “Some teasing is okay, but Ben…”

He nods. “I hear you.”

He hooks a finger in each side of my joggers and boxer briefs pulling them down until I am bare before him and he tosses them over the side of the bed. I am spread wide and standing tall awaiting his touch as my heartrate races in anticipation. No other boy I’ve even thought about has had this profound of an impact on my entire body, not even celebrities I daydreamed about when I was… ‘helping myself’. Ben lies alongside me, sliding his arm under my head as he catches my lips with his and takes me in his hand with a firm but gentle pressure. I gasp into his kiss and grasp at his hand over my shoulder knowing my ability to speak has escaped me as he begins to stroke me with consistent speed and force. Suddenly his thumb makes a circle around my slippery tip and he spreads the warm liquid over me as I moan loudly, breaking our kiss. He kisses me behind my ear as I call out his name and squeeze his hand tightly once. “Can I use my mouth?” he whispers in my ear, stopping his stroking and lightly running his fingertips over my balls.

I nod fervently. “Yes, yes, yes.” I am basking in the pleasure and the building pressure low in my belly as Ben moves his arm out from beneath my head and kisses me on the lips, then my neck, chest, and stomach. I am aching and with each step he takes down my body, his stomach and chest are teasing me just a little. When he finally arrives at his destination, he holds me steady with one hand against my pelvis while securing one of my hands in his other as he lightly licks around my tip and then presses his lips down my length. As my tip rubs along the roof of his mouth, my back arches in pleasure and I squeeze his hand hard once, so Ben finds his rhythm and I am crying his name within a few minutes. We didn’t come up with a signal for “I’m about to come” but I squeeze his hand three times and he seems to get the hint because his lips retreat to the top of me and he begins to rub me up and down more quickly again until I whimper loudly as I feel myself spilling onto his tongue. I quiver with each lick as he takes every drop of me. He swallows loudly and licks one last time up my length, making sure I am clean and causing me to gasp as I am still very sensitive.

He moves out from between my legs and lays alongside me again. “Do you want to taste yourself? It’s okay if you don’t…” he says softly. I breathe a sigh of relief.

I look at him and shake my head. “I don’t think so…” I agree.

He nods and smiles, moving in to press a kiss to my neck.

**Ben**

Once Arthur has caught his breath, I whisper, “Three for ‘get ready’ eh?”

“It’s all I could think of,” he admits, biting his lip.

“I like it,” I say, licking my lips and savoring the taste of him. “I appreciated the heads up.” I chuckle a little at the pun. “Was that all okay?” I ask, leaning up on one elbow to look into his face, drawing gently designs with my fingertips over his heart. 

“It was perfect, Ben,” he affirms, catching my hand on his chest. “My turn?” he asks, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

My breath catches in my chest and I nod, unable to form words. I roll onto my back and Arthur climbs over to position himself between my legs. He is a little more timid than I was, but he runs his fingers over the waist of my shorts and boxer briefs where it is already highly apparent that I am ready for whatever he has in mind. He looks up into my eyes, asking the silent question. I nod and bite my lip as he drags the elastic bands down over top of me and against my length making me gasp suddenly. He slides his fingers around the bands underneath me and pulls them down my ass and then I help him maneuver me out of them so I am open for him. He lifts up and kisses my cheek and whispers, “Is this okay?” as he runs his fingers along my length lightly.

“Yeah,” I breathe.

He encircles my shaft with his forefinger and thumb, “How about now?”

“Yes, Arthur…” I confirm huskily in his ear.

He lays alongside me like I had him and begins to rub me gently and I whisper, “Firmer, not too hard, but I trust you. You won’t hurt me, Art.”

“You have to tell me if it’s too much, okay?” he pleads.

“You’ll know, I promise.” He curls all of his fingers around me and the pressure he holds me with is perfect. “Yes, Arthur, that’s good,” I keen in a high-pitched voice, my body reaching out for him. “Faster,” I beg him, and he obliges. I feel a bit of me spill and so does he, so he takes it on his thumb and circles it around my tip like I had. “Yes, Arthur,” I encourage in a breathy voice.

“Time for my mouth?” he asks softly.

“Oh yes,” I confirm in a low guttural voice, desperate to have his lips on me.

He continues with his hand as he moves into position and then he holds me in one hand, massaging my balls with his thumb and grasps my hand with the other, intertwining our fingers. Carefully, he presses his lips to me, sheathing his teeth, still tentative but becoming surer of himself. His tongue circles my tip and my back arches out of my control pressing me further into Arthur’s mouth. He pulls back surprised. “Are you okay?” he asks nervously.

“Yeah, sorry. That was really good. Really really good,” I say blushing. I scoot back and prop myself up on the pillows. “Are you okay?” I ask, breathless as I rub my thumb over his hand.

“Yeah, just surprised. Can I keep going?” he asks.

“Please,” I confirm.

He reaches for my hand and grasps it tightly, kissing my knuckles lightly. I have gone a little soft with the interruption and anxiety that I’d hurt or scared him, but Arthur teases me a bit and I perk right back up so he can continue. He finds his rhythm quickly this time and soon I am breathing heavily and moaning loudly as ripples of pleasure emanate from his lips around me as perfect pressure against the roof of his mouth assails my most sensitive point and he wiggles his tongue a bit against the back side of me. I squeeze his hand three times and he pulls back, using the circle of his thumb and forefinger with more pressure and swirls his tongue around my tip as I spill for him and he drinks me down like a delicious milkshake. I am spent and sweaty once he pulls away wiping at the corners of his gently smiling mouth. “Was that okay?” he asks, nervousness obvious in his eyes.

“That was perfect, Arthur. You’re a very quick study,” I assure him breathlessly, pulling him against me and kissing his forehead. “We should go brush our teeth, I’d really like to kiss you,” I suggest.

He nods and presses a slightly sticky kiss to my clavicle before climbing out of bed. I follow and we each snag our underwear off the floor as we head into the bathroom. We brush our teeth and rinse with mouthwash, then Arthur wraps his arms around my neck and kisses me. “Mmmm. Minty,” I say with a smile. His smile is less sure. “What’s up? Please don’t be nervous. You can ask for whatever you want or need…” I say gently, pushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

“Will you… would you like to take a shower with me?” he asks, his eyes shining up at me.

I lean down and press a kiss to his lips, smiling against him. “Of course I would, Art. That sounds amazing.”

He nods and kisses my shoulder as he turns to get the water running and I grab a hotel washcloth and my off-brand body wash and when Arthur turns around he smiles and reaches for his bag. “Let’s use mine,” he says, pulling out a clear bottle with a greenish teal liquid which he pops open and squeezes a little so the scent wafts under my nose.

“Mmmmm, that smells really good. Is that why you smell so good?” I ask.

“This is what I use, so if you like it, we can both use it. It’s LUSH’s Lord of Misrule body wash. You can use my loofah if you want, too. Your skin will thank you,” he assures me with a little bit of sass, and I smile.

We strip out of the underwear we had just put back on and step into the steamy shower. Arthur steps under the stream and wets down his hair then trades me spots. I close my eyes and step back under the overly hot water, which is precisely how I like it, and run my hands through my hair to help the water soak through it. As I do, I feel Arthur step toward me and wrap his arms around me, resting his face against my chest. I wipe the water out of my eyes and move us just a bit forward out of the stream so I can rest my head on his and rub his back.  
“You okay?” I ask quietly.

He nods. “You’re here in my arms. I’m much better than I’ve been in a long time…” he sighs.

I hold him tightly against me sensing his need for simple closeness. I lightly run my fingertips across his upper back and press kisses into his hair. He is not as okay as he’s saying, but I don’t want to push him right now. I’ve got hold of him and that seems to be helping, so I just won’t let him go. “How close do you need to be, Art?” I ask sincerely.

He looks up at me and smiles gently. “I brought supplies to go as far as we want to,” he says.

I grin, “So did I.”

His smile widens and he lifts up, sealing us in a kiss. We each lather up with his body wash and loofah and rinse off, then step out and dry off. We let our underwear rest where we dropped them and head out to the bed with only towels wrapped around our waists.

**Arthur**

Ben goes to his side of the bed and pulls a couple of condoms and a small bottle out of the drawer. I also pull similar items out of the drawer of my bedside table and set them on top. He brings his items over and sets them next to mine, then sits on the bed, pulling me to him. I run a hand through his damp hair and rest my forearms on his shoulders.

“So, our first time, that was the last time for you, right?” he asks, blushing. “It’s okay if it wasn’t, I just want to know where you’re at.”

“There was some fooling around with that boy from my lit class last year, which might be where my mouth skills come from,” he admits with a deep blush. “But you’re the only one I’ve gone all the way with,” I confirm. “What about you?” I ask, doing my best to keep my face neutral.

“Just you and you know who before you. I was seeing a guy for a little while a couple of years ago; I told you about him. Some fooling around, but nothing further. There was also a guy in my Bio lab last semester, he wanted to, tried a little harder than I was comfortable with. Nothing happened, but that was not a positive experience,” Ben admits, his eyes downcast.

My face screws up in confusion. “He tried to force you?” I ask quietly.

He looks back at me and links his hands behind my back, gently rubbing my skin with his thumbs to reassure me and maybe himself as well. “I pushed him away and I got out. It was scary, but he didn’t get anywhere… I reported him to campus police, and he got switched into a different lab class. I promise, Arthur, I’m fine. I just didn’t want to keep it from you,” he reassures me, turning his head slightly and pressing a kiss to my arm. 

“Why didn’t you tell me when it happened?” I ask, trying to understand why he’d gone through this without me.

He shakes his head. “I was embarrassed, Art. I thought he was a good guy. I went with him to his room willingly, thought we’d make out a little, but then he got aggressive… I can handle myself, but I’d never had someone push like that.”

I rub a hand over his back. “Did you tell anyone who cares about you? Dylan, at least?” I ask quietly, hoping he had found someone to support him.

“Yeah, he convinced me to file the report. I called him pretty upset on my way home. Tried not to tell him, but I really needed to tell someone, you know? My parents don’t know, though. I didn’t want mom to worry for nothing,” he admits. “Dylan was really great about it. He looked up some info on the Hunter Campus Mental Health services and emailed it to me in case I wanted to talk through it… I think if it had gone any further than it did, I may have.”

I take a deep breath and move into understanding as quickly as I can, saying, “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” I kiss his forehead and rest mine against it.

“It sucked, but like I said, I’m okay and I’m here. I want to focus on us,” he says softly. “So, last time, you… received,” he says with a crooked smile. “Is that what you’re most comfortable with?”

I simply nod. “Okay,” he affirms. “Do you want to actually be on top, I’ve heard it can be easier for your first time in a while…” he offers, his thumb brushing against the side of my leg.

I nod and with all of the details worked out, I slowly move in and tilt my head to kiss him deeply. If the rest of my body didn’t yearn for him so entirely, I could literally kiss Ben all night long. I run my tongue along his bottom lip and his mouth opens for me, the heat of his breath mixing with mine an intoxicating and heady blend of flavors and sensations. I wind my fingers up into his hair and crawl onto the bed, straddling him. Before we scoot toward the middle of the bed, I lean over to grab a small bottle and condom. Ben pulls me back to him where he sits propped up against the headboard, taking the items from my hands and catches my lips again in a kiss as he sets them off to the side. Ben’s strong arms encase me, and he holds me tight against his chest as my hands roam over his back. He groans into my kiss and pulls my bottom lip between his teeth, lightly sucking on it driving my desire into overdrive. I pull my lips from his and hungrily kiss my way up his jaw to his neck, where I skim the tip of my tongue along the long line of his neck. Ben dips his head and kisses my neck and shoulder as his hands travel tantalizingly down my back.

He pulls the towel from around my waist and grasps my ass in both hands. I press against him and his towel loose from between us, but we leave it laid out across the bed. I reach down and take him into my hand, making sure he is firm and ready as he moans into our kiss. He reaches out and grabs the condom, pressing it into my hand. I pull back from his kiss and open the package, pulling out the small circle. I lean back in and kiss him softly once and pull back again. He watches me as I hold him gently and his eyes close as I roll the condom over him taking my sweet time, luxuriating in every gasp and squirm. I grab the bottle and make sure he is thoroughly lubed up, eliciting new moans from him before closing the bottle and wiping my hands on the towel. I lift myself over him and return my lips to his. His hands brush up my thighs and he holds me by my hips.

Ben pulls back and moves his mouth to my ear. “Make sure you relax. Slow and steady,” he whispers, his thumb brushing against the inside of my thigh. I nod and habitually pull my lip between my teeth as I brace myself on his shoulders and position myself so that I feel him at my opening. I take a deep breath and release it as I press onto Ben. He sucks in a breath and I moan a little. It hurts, but I work to release the tension in my body. I take another deep breath and press further down on the exhale. Ben moans and his breathing is ragged. “You okay?” he asks, searching my face through his distraction.

I nod. “I’m almost there, Ben,” I breathe and lift up a bit pressing down one last time so I am flush against him. I am full of him and I am loving every inch of his thickness, but my knees are starting to hurt. “I have to reposition,” I say quietly. He nods and holds me around my back, sitting up a bit and scooting forward so I can wrap my legs around him. This is so much better and I whisper my thanks in his ear as I lock my feet together behind him.

“Can you move? I need you to move, Arthur,” he begs.

I tightly wrap my arms around his neck pressing us together at every point possible and then, slowly at first, I begin to rock myself up and down his length using his shoulders to support me. It is smooth and a sweet pressure builds as Ben’s shaft presses perfectly against a sensitive spot inside of me. I begin to move more quickly, loving the sensation building in my own body.

**Ben**

I am loving his pressure around me, but I am not getting quite as much as he seems to be from it. I don’t want to push him, as he is luxuriating in me against his spot, but to encourage him. I take him in my hand and moan and whimper as I stroke his length. “Please, Arthur,” I beg and I buck my hips up into him as I pull his engorged member.

“Oh Ben, don’t stop,” he begs as he fully presses down against me and begins to circle his hips as he moves which does all of the right things for us both.

“Yes, Arthur, that’s it, oh God,” I cry out as I shudder my orgasm and continue to rub Arthur up and down his shaft, breathing heavily against his neck. He whimpers as he desperately slides up and down me a couple more times until he moans his own release and I feel his warmth spill out over my stomach between us.

We kiss gently in the afterglow as he tenses a couple of times around me and I moan soft and low into his mouth. I grab the towel that had been around Arthur as he lifts off of me and clean up in between us. I look up at him and his cheeks are burning. He looks mortified. “Hey,” I say, still a little out of breath. “Come here,” I wipe the last of him off of my stomach and ball up the towel, setting it aside. I take his face in my hands and kiss him, but he is hesitant. “That was perfect, Art. It was amazing, why are you embarrassed?”

“It was so much more intense than anything… than our first time… I wasn’t expecting all of that…” he gestures vaguely to my stomach.

I shake my head. “That was very normal according to anything I’ve ever read or… looked at…about it. It was everything I could have hoped for,” I tell him. “You seemed to be okay, are you really? It didn’t hurt did it?” I look down and check myself, but there is no blood, just lube on the condom.

He lifts my face back to his. “No, just a little at the beginning. Once we were in it, it was amazing, just a lot more intense than I was expecting,” he sighs with a contented smile, coming back around.

I let out a sigh of relief and kiss him. “Good. Wanna go rinse off again?” I ask.

He nods and so we do. We toss our dirty towels on the ground and I say a silent apology to the cleaning lady who has to get those taken care of on Sunday. As we stand in the shower, I hold him close from behind under the steamy stream and press light kisses to his neck and behind his ear. He lays his head back on my shoulder and I twine one of my hands with his. “I love you, Arthur,” I whisper in his ear.

He turns his head and nuzzles into my neck. “I love you, too, Ben,” he says softly.

We do put on the underwear this time that we’d left in the bathroom before, but that’s all we put on. We cut off the lights and climb under the covers. I open my arms to him and Arthur’s head rests perfectly on my shoulder. He curls one arm up in between us and rests the other across my bare chest while also placing one leg over one of mine. He fits so perfectly, as if he was made to fit in this space against me. I kiss the top of his head and pull the covers up over us, snuggling close around him. We are asleep in very short order, and as I doze off with the spicy scent and the feel on my body of this boy that I love consuming my mind, I am calm, and my heartrate is steady. Arthur doesn’t know this, but I’ve been having anxiety attacks a couple of times a week the last few weeks of summer just thinking about going back to school. I’m not on track to graduate until December because I wanted to make sure I could handle all my course loads, so I took some lighter semesters, but I don’t know what Dylan and Sam are doing after college or where they’ll be. I do know that Harriet and Hudson are on track to graduate from NYU on time in the spring and are both planning to get out of the city. I go to classes and I’ve made friends with a couple of people for the duration of a class, long enough to have a conversation, but no real connection. I feel the impending loneliness baring down on me like I’m drowning in the ocean, but here in Arthur’s arms, I am treading water. I hold him closer as I vow to myself to do all I can when he graduates to get him back here to the city or get myself to wherever he is. The universe is still on our side, it has to be.

When I wake up, it is to Arthur squirming and whispering my name. “Ben? Hey, can you wake up?”

I can tell that I still have a vice grip around him and I immediately loosen my hold. “Hey Art, are you okay? Sorry…”

“I’m fine, just have to pee. Are you okay? It was like you were afraid I was going to disappear in your sleep,” he tells me, taking my face in one hand.

“Sounds about right,” I say with sheepish smile. “Still can’t believe you’re actually here.”

He smiles and kisses me lightly, brushing our noses together gently. “For about another 30 hours or so,” he counts, looking at the clock.

“What do you want to do today? We still have all that touristy stuff you never got the chance to do…” I say but he’s already shaking his head.

“The only exploring I want to do is right here in this bed, or in that shower, or on that couch over there,” he says. “Just as soon as I’ve gone to the bathroom.”

So, explore we did. When I came out of the bathroom from taking care of my morning necessities, Arthur pulled me to the couch and sat me down.

“May I?” he asks, his eyes dark and glinting with desire.

I nod and he climbs on and straddles my hips, pressing deliciously against my morning erection and kissing me deeply as he grinds against me. Once I am fully at engorgred, he slips to the floor, springing me loose from my boxer briefs, pulling them halfway down my butt so they don’t ride up as he takes one of my hands in his and my shaft in the other. I lean my head back and relax as Arthur has his way with me, allowing any gasp or moan to come as they will while Arthur rocks my world. He sucks on my tip and licks around me and down my shaft. He wets his lips and takes me full into his mouth eliciting a loud moan as he works his tongue around my tip and on the way down, he is sort of massaging me with his tongue while rubbing my balls and finally pressing a thumb just behind them firmly. I release a low and loud moan and quickly squeeze his hand three times as I begin to squirt into his mouth. He swallows me down sucking every bit off of my tip as I grasp his hand and shoulder tightly. He replaces my boxer briefs and licks his lips then lays soft, wet kisses up my stomach and chest to my neck. “Good morning,” he says sweetly into my ear.

“Oh good morning? I’ll show you a good morning,” I say, catching him around the waist and laying him under me on the couch. “If you’ll allow me?” I whisper into his ear.

“By all means,” he agrees, and I am off to the races.

I back down so my face is hovering over his hips and run my tongue across the line of elastic across his hips getting an early moan from him and his already hard member pulses beneath the thin fabric and so I pull off his underwear quickly. I lift his legs so they rest over my shoulders giving me full access and I swipe my tongue around his tip and he gasps as I lick my lips and take him both in my mouth and his balls in my hand. He squirms as I suck and lick him up and down. I reach up and take a nipple between two fingers, gently massaging it as I try to overwhelm him with pleasure. It must be working, because he grabs my hand and winds our fingers together squeezing hard once. I shift my hand so I am holding his balls and rubbing circles behind his balls as my mouth retreats up his shaft. I suck forcefully on his tip while lapping my tongue against it quickly and his back arches as he squeezes my hand three times and cries out before bursting in my mouth and I swallow him down fully. He whimpers as he comes a bit more in my mouth and once he is fully cleaned up, I replace his boxer briefs and kiss my way back to his neck, his legs spreading and encircling my waist as I reposition myself.

“Can I make love to you?” I whisper in his ear and he lifts my face away from him. He nods and then presses his lips to mine. Our tongues tangle and we actually don’t taste ridiculous, we taste like we always taste. I hook Arthur’s legs around my hips and pick him up under his butt as he holds on around my neck. I lay him in the bed and he watches with a smile as I strip myself of my underwear and grab two condoms and the bottle of lube. I climb onto the bed and I am already firm and ready for him, so I hand him a ribbed condom and he rolls it on, luxuriating over my length and texture which only makes me grow firmer.

“Will this make it better?” he asks, fingering the ribs gently.

“I hope so, but if not, please say something, okay?” I encourage. I would never want to keep doing something he wasn’t comfortable with. He nods and I open the regular condom I grabbed. “This one’s for you, my messy boy,” I say with a smile and then rub Arthur’s length a few times so it perks up a bit and I can roll the condom on. I know it’s normal and he had nothing to be ashamed of, but I don’t want him to be embarrassed by anything that might come between us today.

I take the bottle of lube and slick myself up before taking a little and pressing it to Arthur’s opening with my thumb. He gasps and I look to him for permission before I continue. He nods his assent and I massage the tight hole and gently gain entrance with my thumb, rubbing just inside his opening as he tightens around me and moans. I pull my thumb out and hook one arm under Arthur’s right leg and grab his hand in mine, leaving his left leg splayed out and his opening before me ready. I hold him with my free arm and his arms are wrapped tight around my neck as I approach his entrance. “Are you ready?” Breathless, he nods, and I press in slowly but consistently and all in a single motion, I am fully sheathed to my hilt. Arthur’s eyes are wide and his breath has caught in his throat so I give him a second, nuzzling my nose against his, at which he breathes shakily.

“You okay?” I ask softly.

He holds up one finger as I feel him tighten and then relax around me. He nods as he takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he says in quiet, high-pitched agreement, biting his lip as I gently begin to thrust. He is moaning and whimpering and clenching around my girth and he squeezes once so I pick it up a bit. The ribbing is doing amazing things for me as I moan against Arthur’s neck and he holds me tightly to him. I let go of his leg and he hooks his legs around my butt pressing me into him more firmly as he cries out my name. I take hold of him between us and we are both moaning and breathless as I thrust and pull a few more times to our joint completion.

**Arthur**

We clean up together in the bathroom, disposing of condoms and wiping any extra fluid with warm wash cloths and then pull our pajamas back on. I plop down next to him out on the couch winding a hand through his. “How does room service sound?” I ask. “I am starving.”

“Sounds great. I am famished,” he says as his stomach growls, punctuating his point and we both laugh.

We pull the menu out of the drawer in the coffee table and Ben puts an arm around me so I can curl up into him and we can look together as he gently plays with my hair. It is still decently early in the morning, so we opt for brunch, ordering waffles and sausage and orange juice. As we wait for it to be delivered. Our energies are calmer now, less hurried and anxious for one another, more relishing in the simple presence of each other. My back is to the armrest and my legs are over his as he holds me against him. I draw lazy designs on his chest with my finger and he lightly drags his fingertips up and down my back. I am in perfect bliss and for a moment, I see how this could be a glimpse into the rest of my life. I can see us doing this in our own place in a year or two: relaxing together in the quiet, holding one another lovingly, unhurried in our affection for one another. I walk my fingers up his chest until my hand rests gently against his clavicle and I brush my thumb against the side of his neck. I tilt my face up and press a kiss to his cheek before resting my head back on his shoulder.

“I love this,” I whisper.

He nods. “It’s perfect…” he agrees, holding me just a bit tighter.

After breakfast, we are curled back up on the couch and Ben has found a Harry Potter Marathon on FreeForm. The volume isn’t too high, so we are sometimes watching, sometimes dozing on one another, but sometimes…

Later in the afternoon, as Hagrid is returning from Azkaban in The Chamber of Secrets, I turn my head and begin to press gentle kisses to Ben’s neck. He leans into my kisses and holds me tighter, so I maneuver myself so that I am straddling his lap and ever so slowly bring my slightly parted mouth down onto his, twining my fingers together behind his neck. Ben’s tongue presses, insistent, seeking mine and I meet him in a gentle caress as his hands slide up the back of my shirt, grasping my skin. He pulls back and pulls my shirt off, whispering, “Quiero besarte por todas partes, my Arturo.” I do not know Spanish any more than I ever have, but I get it. He grabs the remote from beside him and turns off the TV before picking me up as I hold tightly around him and taking me to bed as he licks and sucks at my neck and shoulder. He lays me down on the end of the bed and he is full of desire, but in no hurry. He picks up one hand and presses a kiss to my palm, my wrist, trails his nose up the sensitive skin of my forearm and kisses the inside of my elbow before his nose trails up my bicep and I giggle gently at the tickling sensation. Ben kisses my shoulder, my clavicle, my neck and I wind my fingers into his hair as he returns his lips to mine, holding him here for a moment before he continues. I let my arm fall back to the bed above my head as he kisses my forehead, each eyelid, each cheek, my adam’s apple, and nuzzles his way up to my ear to suckle on my earlobe as I bite my lip, loving every second of this pleasure. He makes his way down my other arm and then comes back for my chest.

“Scoot back,” he says softly, and I do. He climbs onto the bed between my legs and presses down against me provoking a low moan before lifting back up and bracing himself with his hands on either side of my chest as his head dips down to continue his trail of kisses. He kisses his way down my chest as I lightly run my fingertips up and down both of his arms. He pauses to lick and suck at each of my nipples, causing me to gasp slightly and curl my hands around his arms and squeeze before he continues, kissing my solar plexus, and dipping his tongue into my belly button which makes me giggle, so he nuzzles his nose there and smiles up at me. He scoots back a bit and positions my legs so that they are bent together in front of him and he drags my joggers and underwear down my legs and tosses them off the bed. He picks up my legs by my ankles and forges onward in his attempt to kiss every single inch of me, which he may actually succeed at. He presses kisses inside each of my ankles, and then lets my legs fall and spread wide before leaning in to kiss the inside of my knee and he licks all the way up my inner thigh before pressing his mouth to the joint of my hip and sucking hard for just a second, at which I squirm and moan softly. He moves on, kissing across my pelvis, his slight shadow of scruff on his chin brushing against my sensitive shaft causing me to gasp. He matches his hard sucking on the other side of my hip join and licks away from my hip as I whimper his name, my hands grasping the comforter, my body aching and throbbing for him.

He smiles and runs light fingers up the backside of my shaft making my hips buck upward. He dips his head and holds me upright as he presses light kisses to my balls then his tongue lays a trail of pleasure between them and up the back of my shaft where he’d been teasing me. He kisses my slick tip but does not take me fully into his mouth. I open my eyes and he is backing away, stripping of his clothes. He goes to the bedside table grabbing the two different kinds of condoms and lube before crawling back to me on the bed. He rolls the smooth condom onto me and my brow furrows in confusion.

Ben smiles gently and asks, “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” I whisper, relaxing my face.

“Can you roll over for me?” he requests.

I bite my lip and nod rolling over onto my stomach and grabbing a pillow to rest on as I look over my shoulder and see Ben rolling the ribbed condom on himself. He spread my legs slightly and climbs back on the bed, running his hands over the backs of my thighs and over my butt. I feel his body hovering over me and then his lips are at the back of my neck and he is continuing this path down my spine. When he reaches the dimples in my lower back, he kisses each one in turn and then I hear the bottle of lube pop open and get a little nervous. I trust him completely, but this is something brand new, and I can’t pretend not to be a little nervous. I look over my shoulder and he has coated himself and has a little more on his thumb. “Are you okay?” he asks, smoothing a hand up my back.

“Yeah,” I say. “I know you’ll be gentle.”

“Always, Arthur. I’ve got you.”

I take a deep breath and hug the pillow as Ben lies against my back making sure I am comfortable. He slides an arm under my chest and finds my hand as he presses his face into my neck and grabs hold of my leg, gently spreading me for him as he approaches and smoothly slides into me as I moan loudly into the pillow. He kisses my shoulder and breathily asks, “You okay?” I nod and he lets go of my leg to brace himself with his elbow on the bed. He begins to smoothly slide within me and the sensation as he fills me is more intense than anything I’ve ever felt. My hips press back into him and I squeeze his hand once as my head arches back next to his. I cry out with each thrust inspiring Ben’s increased pace as he breathes heavily against the back of my shoulder. I feel overwhelmed with the building pressure and begin to feel like I’m spiraling out of control as Ben whispers, “I’m close”. My cries reach a pitch I’ve never heard myself emit before and together we come with a final thrust. Ben lies against me panting and I take a shaky breath as he carefully backs out and lies next to me with a hand on my back. I have never experienced so much sensation in my life and I cannot stop myself as my face is still in the pillow and I am sobbing. I loved it, I love him, but I’m just swimming in a whole lot of emotions that I can’t seem to get a hold on right now.

**Ben**

I am alarmed as Arthur remains face down with his head buried in the pillow, heaving sobs wracking his body. I roll toward him and slide a hand into his hair, gently massaging his scalp as I whisper, “Arthur, can you look at me?” He shakes his head as he curls in on himself into a fetal position. My chest tenses; he’s starting to scare me. “Art, I just need to know if you’re okay. Please look at me,” I beg.

He sobs through a couple of deep breaths and then turns his head on the pillow to look at me. His face is splotchy and his eyes are puffy and filled with tears that spill sideways down his face. I take his face in my hand and move my forehead to his. “Did I hurt you?” I ask, fearing the worst but he immediately shakes his head vehemently, reaching out and touching my face gently.

“No… y-you were p-perfect,” he cries, rolling his face back into the pillow.

I sigh and rub a hand over his back, pressing my lips to his shoulder. “I think we should take a break for a little while. Let’s go take a nice hot shower and calm down, okay?” I suggest.

It’s a little awkward, but we get maneuvered out of bed without too much of a mess being made and into the bathroom where we dispose of the condoms and Arthur sits, still trying to pull himself together, as I get the shower started. As it heats up, I kneel in front of him with my hands on his knees and see that he’s calming down already. Tears are still running down his cheeks, but he is sniffling instead of sobbing. “How are you doing?” I ask, concern thick in my voice.

“Better,” he sniffles and puts a hand on my face. “Sorry. It… you… were amazing… I just felt like I was spinning out of control and it was really overwhelming. It was like sensory overload…” he explains.

I nod my understanding and pull him to me for a soft kiss. “You don’t have to be sorry, Art. It’s okay. You’re safe to feel however you feel with me.” I kiss his forehead and ask him to hold tight as I pop out into the room to grab my phone. I return and start my ‘When I’m Reeling’ playlist, which is full of calming and quiet music by Shawn Mendes, Sam Smith, Adele, etc. It starts playing “A Little Too Much” by Shawn Mendes which is super appropriate. I turn it up so we can hear it in the shower and reach out for Arthur. “Come on,” I say, pulling him up and guiding him into the shower. I hold him close as we gently sway to the music under the steamy water. His hands are on my back and his forehead rests against the center of my chest. I run my fingers through his wet hair and pull him back to press a kiss his forehead. “How about now?” I ask, pushing his hair away from his forehead with my fingertips.

He smiles gently and winds his arms up around my neck. “I’m fine now, Ben. Thank you. Just loving this moment for us.” He kisses me softly and rests his face back against my chest. I hold him against me tighter and kiss his hair. We eventually shower for real and then actually get dressed. I convince Arthur to leave the room with me and go to dinner in the Hotel Restaurant. We don’t leave the building, but I think getting out of the room itself for a little while will help since we can’t very well have sex outside the room. I put on a pair of gray Bermuda shorts and a gray Hogwarts tee as Arthur pulls on some aqua Bermuda shorts and a short sleeve baby blue patterned button down. His bright colors and complete lack of chill, even during sex, are completely disarming to me and I wonder for the first time so far this weekend what the hell we’re doing. Arthur was right; we are setting ourselves up for a huge heartache as we go back to our real lives tomorrow night. My only hope shining in the darkness of the coming months is his graduation and hoping against hope that he wants to move to the city and be with me. It might sound intense and it might sound naïve, but I love this man, and I’m not getting over it. I don’t think he is either. I really hope he isn’t. We head to the Crossroads American Kitchen and Bar and each get a burger and fries. As we finish eating, I broach the subject of tomorrow.

I reach across the table and pull Arthur’s hand into mine. “I’m going to miss you…” I say sadly.

He squeezes my hand and nods, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Me too…” he agrees softly. “Can we go back upstairs?”

I see the emotion building in his voice and I nod, knowing this conversation is going to be even more difficult. I hold him close as we ride up the elevator. When we get back into the room, we head for the couch sitting sideways and facing each other. I slide my fingers between his so our hands rest intertwined on his leg and I rub my thumb along the side of his.

I sigh and firm up my resolve. I have to try… “Are you sure we couldn’t do long distance just for this year?” I ask, more like beg. I would literally give anything to lay claim to his heart here and now, but I don’t think he’s ready for that.

He looks up into my eyes and his fill with tears. His lower lip quivers and so I look down to hide the tears pooling in my own eyes. “Ben…” he says softly, his voice thick with sadness. He scoots closer, bending his legs over mine and I pull him into my lap, not to be sexy, just to be closer. He looks deeply into my eyes. “It’s not quite our time. I don’t know what the end of this year looks like. Do I hope it brings me back to the city? Yes. Will I be actively seeking positions here? Yes. I love the city, and I love you, but I can’t promise this is where I’ll land as much as I want to…” I nod and look back up at him, doing nothing to hide the pain I’m feeling. I understand what he’s saying, I just hate the truth of it. A tear slides down his cheek and he brushes it away. “I don’t think we need to put that pressure on each other right now. It’s our senior year of college, and if you see a cute guy, I want you to feel free to give him your number and see what’s up, because if and when we end up with that perfect scenario, both in the same place and unattached, we’re endgame, Ben. I am sure of that. But if there’s something else out there for us, and we ignore it, I would never forgive myself for keeping you from that…” his voice is small, and tears fall steadily down his cheeks now.

I take a shaky breath and feel the tears pooled in my eyes begin to overflow. “Come to bed with me,” I say, choking on my emotions. We disentangle and go climb onto the bed and I pull him into my arms. We lay stretched out along one another, technically on our sides, Arthur laying more on top of me, his arms around my neck and his face buried in the crook of my neck as I embrace him tightly. I press my face into his shoulder as we cry with one another. I am reminded of the day before he left that first summer. We were both so crushed and this is 1000 times worse because we know we still work. We know it’s still here for us, but we still can’t have it… “I love you,” I whisper into his shoulder.

“I love you so fucking much,” he cries, tightening his already vice-like grip.

“Arthur,” I say pulling back slightly, trying to get a handle on my emotions.

He pulls back, loosening his grip a bit. I bring my hands up to cup his face, gently brushing my thumbs along his cheekbones, clearing tears as I do, and I pull his face to mine sealing us in a salty sweet kiss. He winds his hands up into my hair and I hold him tightly to me as our lips move slowly together. Our tongues press together, and tears mingle with our saliva as emotion overflows between us and we do our damnedest to memorize every taste, every crevice, every facet of each other.

**Arthur**

I pull back a bit and rest my forehead against Ben’s, pushing his shirt up his stomach as I say, “I want to know every inch of you.” I bite my lip and Ben’s breathing becomes shallow as I press upward, and he sits up so I can pull his shirt off. I dip my head and press my lips to the space behind his ear then pull his earlobe in between my lips. “It’s my turn,” I whisper, running my hands over his bare chest and over his sides.

I kiss my way fervently down his neck and chest as he rests back on the pile of pillows. I lick and suck at each of his nipples at which Ben groans and pulls my face back to his, our lips crashing together as I feel him grow against the inside of my leg. I take his hand from my face and wind my fingers with his scooting down his legs and kissing each of the separations in his abs. I gently unbutton his shorts and unzip them slowly as he gasps. I move back up to kiss him, pressing against him with my own erection, rubbing us together deliciously and causing us to moan into the kiss. “Lie down,” I request, backing away and allowing him to scoot down and lay his head back against the pillows. I pull his shorts and underwear down and off, stripping myself while I’m off the end of the bed and Ben watches me with desirous, still-puffy eyes and his lip caught between his teeth, his freckles standing out against the blush on his cheeks. As I climb back on the bed, pressing his legs apart, I press firm sloppy kisses up both sides of his inner thighs and then take him in my hand as I lick his balls gently, doing all I can to imbue this time with love instead of sadness. Ben’s moan is high and needy. I grab his hand and he grasps it tightly as I take him in my mouth, licking and sucking as my thumb massages the back of his shaft firmly. Sooner than I anticipated, Ben has given my hand three light squeezes and I am drinking him in as he moans and whimpers through his orgasm. When he’s finished and I lift up, licking my lips free of him, I press myself up his body and he holds my face as I kiss him gently on the lips. “Ben, can we try?” I ask, still nervous, but feeling bold and confident in his arms.

He is still breathless as he nods. “If you’re sure,” he agrees.

I nod and reach out for supplies. “Which one?” I ask, holding up a blue and a purple package.

“Blue for me, purple for you,” he says, eyes smoldering as I grab the lube and come back to him.

I take him in my hand again as his eyes flutter closed. With a few gentle pulls and a lick around his tip, Ben is hard again. I roll the condom onto him and then apply my own. I coat myself in lube and then take some on my thumb as Ben looks on. “You okay?” I ask. He just nods and bends his legs a bit more, opening to me as I press my thumb to his opening and massage gently causing Ben to moan and his hips to buck upward. I move closer, spreading my knees and bending Ben’s legs so they rest around my hips. “Ready?” I confirm.

“Uh huh,” he breathes. “Gently?” he asks.

“Always,” I assure him.

I position myself at his entrance and meet Ben’s hand with mine as he reaches out to me. I press into him and he moans low and guttural but squeezes my hand once begging for me to go further. I brace my free hand low on his stomach and slide slowly but steadily into him. I moan at the pleasure of his pressure around me and Ben squirms against me. “Yes, Arthur, you’re perfect,” he encourages me, so I begin to move.

We push and pull and rise together. I realize I am close but I don’t think he is, so I slow a bit and begin to stroke him firmly with my free hand. “Oh! Yes!” he cries out and I pick up my pace again, loving watching Ben writhe in the pleasure of me within him. I am almost at the edge and I begin to slide harder into Ben and squeeze him a little tighter, doing my best to be careful as we each reach our peak and moan high and loud. We are breathless and sweaty and as I let go of Ben I run my hands over his thighs and stomach, luxuriating in the smoothness of him.

He tenses around me a couple of times as his breathing returns to normal and I back away from him. “That was amazing,” I say, pulling his hand to sit up with me. “Are you okay?”

He smiles and reaches out for me. “I am perfectly amazing. That was better than I could have imagined. I really loved that position…” he admits, his cheeks reddening with blush. “This is not going to help us miss each other any less, but I love knowing all this about you, Arthur. Knowing what turns you on, what you like and don’t like, knowing I get to be the one who knows all those things,” he says as he lightly draws shapes on my bare stomach.

“It is a special kind of intimate knowledge, isn’t it?” I say, leaning in to kiss him.

We clean up and switch out the comforter with a spare from the closet, and then shower together, but quickly this time, before curling up together in bed, tightly woven together in a mutual embrace.

In the darkness against his chest, I once again say, “I love you, Ben.”

“I love you, too, Arthur,” he responds, his words a little muffled as his face is in my hair.

“I don’t want to go…” I admit.

“I don’t want you to go,” he agrees.

“I want the Universe to be on our side,” I whisper, barely audible, but he hears.

“I think the Universe is on our side, Art.” Ben sounds confident and I hold him tighter as I press my face more fully into his chest.

**Ben**

The following morning, I convince Arthur that a little bit of touristy stuff on his last day will be okay, especially since we have to check out by 11. We get eggs and toast from room service and then pack up our stuff. His flight isn’t until 8 tonight, so I tell him that we can leave his stuff at my place and then swing by there on the way back to JFK after dinner to grab it. As I am zipping my duffle, Arthur comes up behind me and winds his arms around my stomach. His head resting between my shoulder blades. I zip the bag the rest of the way and turn around taking Arthur’s face in both my hands, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against my chest. “I wish we had all the time we wanted…”

“Me, too Arthur… I never knew how much I could want another person until you, and now I want you even more.”

“I don’t think I could ever get enough,” he says softly, looking up at me, eyes shining, and slides a hand up around the back of my neck.

I shake my head, instinctively pulling my lip between my teeth and groan softly as I lean in and press my lips to his, I wrap him tightly in my arms. I reach back and push my duffle bag away, sitting on the edge of the bed, Arthur’s arms wind around my neck as his tongue presses into my mouth and I meet it in our favorite dance. Arthur runs a hand down my back and I know where my own thoughts are heading, so I slow our kiss, allowing tongues to retreat and arms to loosen their grips. I gently suck on Arthur’s lower lip before pressing one last kiss to his lips.

Our foreheads are pressed together, our noses just brushing one another, and I whisper, “I will never be satisfied.”

“I will never be satisfied,” he sings sadly.

I bring him back into my embrace and take a deep breath, willing myself to let us have this day and not be sad, but enjoy the last few hours we have together. We check out of the hotel and on the train ride to my apartment, I hand Arthur my phone and ask for his.

“I want to make you a playlist for whenever you miss me,” I tell him. “And I want one for when I miss you, too. The other one you made me is just Broadway, it’s not really ‘us’.” 

His face softens and he leans in for a quick kiss. “You got it,” he says, pulling up my music app.

I scoot close and put an arm around him as we scroll through music, every once in a while, turning my head to press a kiss into his hair. He reaches up, winding his fingers through mine over his shoulder. Whenever the train stopped, we reached out with our legs in unison and held his carryon suitcase in place. By the time we reach our stop at First Ave, I have 35 songs loaded onto a “Best Friend Box” playlist and Arthur has about the same number on a playlist he titled “Absolutely No-Chill Whatsoever”. We trade back phones as we pull up to the platform and gather our things. We walk the couple of blocks to my apartment, arriving around noon, and because no one is home, we take about half an hour to nostalgically make out in my bed. I press light kisses to Arthur’s neck before pulling back and smiling at his flushed cheeks, disheveled hair, and bright eyes. “Come on,” I say. “You’ve got about 5 hours to get as much of the city as you can.” I dip one last time and kiss him quickly but passionately before pulling him up off the bed and whisking him out of the apartment.

We head downtown and I insist that Arthur needs to do the most insanely touristy thing in the entire world, so we go to the top of the empire state building. This is much more expensive than I anticipated, but Arthur says it’s okay because we saved a lot of money by staying in the room all day yesterday, which I can’t argue with. As we wait in the line for the elevator, finishing drinks we got from Dream and Bean on the way, I throw my empty lemonade cup in the trash and cross my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder. He leans back into me and sighs, resting his arms on top of mine. I lightly rub his sides and he giggles and squirms turning around to face me.

“That tickles!” he exclaims, feigning anger.

I laugh and smile sheepishly. “Sorry. I guess that’s what I get for trying to be sweet,” I sigh dramatically.

He laughs as we move with the line, and slides his hand into mine, lifting up to kiss me on the cheek. “Keep trying, you get it right most of the time,” he teases.

We finally make it to the elevator and cozy up in the back corner of the marble walled box. The ride is only about a minute, but we hold onto each other and giggle softly through the stomach rush. We step out onto the 86th floor observatory and head to the fenced-in side.

“Woah…” Arthur comments. “The city is so beautiful from up here.”

I rest my hands on his shoulders and gently rub my thumbs up the back of his neck, pressing a gentle kiss to his neck. “Wanna take a selfie?” I ask, chuckling low in his ear.

He nods, turning around to face me. “It can go right next to our other goodbye selfie in my favorited photos.”

We selfie with the One World Trade Center in the background and as Arthur snaps the picture, I lean in and kiss his cheek. He turns and catches my lips with his own and snaps a couple more pictures. He stows his phone in his pocket and wraps his arms around me, looking up at me with sad eyes. I caress his cheek with my thumb and lay a soft kiss on his lips, resting my forehead against his. Our time is rapidly coming to a close and we can both feel it closing in like a wall around us. “Come on, let’s go find somewhere to have dinner. It’s after 4,” I say.

“Just a few more minutes?” he begs, holding me tighter. I cannot deny him, so we turn and look out over the city as I hold him from behind and nuzzle his neck.

After dinner, we grab Arthur’s backpack and suitcase from my apartment and take the subway back to JFK. We are standing outside the line for the TSA and Arthur takes a deep shaky breath. “I don’t want to leave you…” he admits, his shining watery blue eyes staring up at me and bringing tears pooling into my own.

“You’re not really leaving me, just going away for a while,” I hope aloud.

“You’ll call?”

“Still need help with those science classes, don’t I?” I assure him. “I always call my best friend when I need him…”

He nods and agrees, “Me too…”

Tears are trailing down our cheeks as we hold onto one another for dear life. I pull back and take his face in my hands. “I know you are going to do amazing things this year, Arthur. I’ll be watching all the Quasi performances on YouTube and I’m just a facetime away if you need someone who loves you to talk to…” I wrap him in another tight hug as he sobs against my chest.

Once he regains a bit of his composure, he says, “My facetime is always there for you, too. Any time day or night…” He brushes some tears away from my cheeks and I nod.

I lean in and kiss him softly, drinking in the taste of him and memorizing the gentle press of his lips. This weekend has been the perfect weekend for us. I have to let him go, but hopefully this is the last time. I will love this boy forever, and I hope he feels the same. I pull away and kiss his forehead, whispering, “Te amo mas que a nada mi amor.”

“I love you more,” he whispers, holding on tighter.

“No way… tie?”

“Tie…”

He turns, still openly crying as he enters the line for TSA. People are staring, but when they see me standing there staring after him like an idiot, also crying heavily, it makes sense to them. I turn and walk out of the airport because watching him go all the way through would only make it harder on him. My phone dings as I get to the subway station with the string of pictures he took of us on the Empire State Building. I save and favorite each one of them and ask him to text me so I know he’s gotten home safe, then I get on the subway and put in my headphones and start up Arthur’s playlist. The first song that plays is “Helpless” from Hamilton and I am crying again immediately in a seat in the back corner of the subway, my feet up on the seat next to me, my forehead leaning on my folded arms which rest on my knees. I am the picture of “Fuck off, I’m going through something.”

**Arthur**

I make it through TSA and have about a half hour until my flight boards, so I get to my terminal and put in my earbuds, starting up Ben’s playlist on my phone. I am sitting cross legged in the seat with my head in my hands as “You’re My Favorite Song” from Camp Rock plays in my ears and I’m sobbing again as I press the heels of my hands to my eyes. I can’t stand that we have to go through this again, but I know I’m going to do everything in my own power to make sure we don’t have to ever again. It will be my mission this year to find a position in publishing in Manhattan and to give Ben and I a real chance to be Us and Only Us.


End file.
